What to do when someone dies: a gentle checklist for the first 30 days

I'm so sorry. If you are reading this because someone has just died, here is the most important thing first: you don't have to do this all today. Very little needs doing in the first hours, most of it can be shared out, and much of it can safely wait weeks.

Below is a calm, 30-day checklist in three phases, with versions for the United States and for the UK and Europe. Tick things off as they happen, and come back whenever you need to. It saves as you go in your browser, and it is printable if you would rather keep it on paper by the phone. It is general guidance, not legal advice, and it sits alongside our guide to digital estate planning for the online side of things.

The 30-day checklist

Choose your region, then work through each phase at your own pace. Items you tick are saved on this device only.

The first 48 hours

Only a handful of things are truly urgent. A doctor, hospital or hospice will confirm the death and provide the medical certificate or pronouncement. If the death was sudden or unexpected, a coroner (or, in parts of the US, a medical examiner) may need to be involved first, which can delay the next steps. That is normal, and nobody will expect you to rush.

Then call a funeral director. You are not committing to a funeral by doing so; they will care for the person and explain what comes next where you live. Ask one or two people to tell the wider circle so you are not making the same painful call twenty times.

If you can, look for a will. It may name the executor, the person legally responsible for sorting out the estate, and it may contain wishes about burial or cremation. Our guide to choosing an executor explains what that role involves if it turns out to be you.

The first week

This is where the paperwork begins, and where sharing it out helps most.

In the United States

The funeral home usually files the death certificate with the state and can order certified copies for you. Order more than you think you need; 8 to 10 is common, since banks, insurers and pension providers often each want an original. The funeral home often notifies Social Security too, but it is worth checking, because payments received after the death may need to be returned.

In the UK and Europe

In England and Wales, the death must be registered within 5 days at the local register office, unless a coroner is involved; in Scotland it is 8 days. The registrar can give you a reference number for Tell Us Once, a service that notifies many government departments at once, including HMRC, the DWP and the passport office. Elsewhere in Europe, registration timelines vary and are often short, and the funeral director frequently handles it.

Wherever you are, tell their employer, redirect their post, and pause regular deliveries. Post is quietly useful: it often reveals accounts and policies nobody knew about.

The first month

The longer tail is mostly calls and forms. Banks will freeze individual accounts once told, which is normal and protects the estate. Life insurance claims usually need the death certificate and the policy number. Go through recent card and bank statements to find subscriptions and direct debits.

Online accounts take patience. Some services let family memorialise or close an account with a death certificate; others need proof that you are the executor. Our accounts after death tool walks through Google, Apple, Facebook and more, and the digital estate planning guide explains what executors can access by law. Keep the person's phone charged and the number active for now, as it may receive the codes you need.

Probate, or its equivalent, may be needed to deal with larger estates. Whether it is depends on the state or country, the size of the estate and how assets were held. A solicitor, probate attorney or notary can tell you quickly.

What can safely wait

A great deal more than people expect. Sorting through clothes and belongings, selling a car or house, closing most online accounts, and deciding what to keep can all wait weeks or months. When you do get to the online side, the digital estate guide explains the steps. Nobody needs the wardrobe cleared by the end of the month. If someone is pushing you to make a big decision quickly, it is fine to say you will come back to it.

Look after yourself

Eat something. Let people bring food. Say yes when someone offers to make the calls. Sleep when you can, even badly. Grief isn't a task on this list, and it doesn't have a deadline.

It is also fine to hand the whole list to someone else. A friend who is good with paperwork can work through the first week with you, or for you. Your GP or doctor can point you to bereavement support when you are ready, and many funeral directors know local services too.