What to write in a goodbye letter (and what to leave out)

Nobody wants to write it. Almost everyone who receives one keeps it for the rest of their life. A goodbye letter, sometimes called a "just in case" letter, is a short note to someone you love, written now, to be read if you die before you get to say these things in person.

This guide covers what to put in it, what to leave out, example lines you can borrow for a partner, child, parent or friend, and a simple structure you can follow tonight. It takes most people under an hour.

Why a "just in case" letter matters

When someone dies suddenly, the people left behind often say the same thing: I just wish I knew what they'd want to say. A letter written in an ordinary moment, without urgency, gives them that. It isn't morbid. It's the most loving piece of admin you'll ever do.

You'll almost certainly read it back yourself in twenty years and laugh at how young you sounded. That's fine. That's the point.

It also does something for you. Many people find that once the letter exists, a small background worry goes quiet. The things that matter have been said, in writing, and you can get on with saying them out loud as well.

Five things worth including

You don't need all five, but most letters that people treasure contain at least three.

1. One specific memory. Not "you were always there for me" but the actual Tuesday, the car, the song. Specific is what makes it yours.
2. What they gave you. Name it plainly. People rarely know the difference they made.
3. Permission. To grieve however they need, to be happy again, to sell the house, to love someone new.
4. A hope for their future. Small and real beats grand: "I hope you keep dancing badly in the kitchen."
5. The plain words. I love you. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Write them even if you say them every day.

Example lines by relationship

These are real-feeling lines to show the tone, not templates to copy word for word. Notice how each one is small, concrete and a little bit funny. That's what makes a letter sound like a person rather than a card.

Each relationship has its own guide if you want to go deeper. For children, a letter to your child to open when they're older works best tied to a milestone like an 18th birthday. For a husband, wife or partner, a letter to your partner, just in case is often better split into a love letter and a separate practical note.

A simple structure you can follow tonight

If a blank page feels like too much, use this shape. It fits on one side of paper.

1. Set the scene (two or three sentences)

   Where you are, what day it is, what they're doing. It grounds the letter in a real moment.

2. Tell one story

   The memory. Keep it to a paragraph. Include one sensory detail: a smell, a sound, the weather.

3. Say what they gave you, and give permission

   Name the difference they made. Then release them: to grieve their way, to change things, to be happy again.

4. Leave one hope and the plain words

   A small, specific wish for their future, then "I love you" in whatever words are yours. Sign it the way you'd sign a birthday card.

Write it in one sitting if you can, then leave it for a day before you reread it. You'll want to cut more than you add.

What to leave out

Old arguments. If something needs resolving, try to resolve it now. A letter can't answer back.

Instructions that bind. "You must never sell the house" can become a weight. Offer wishes, not rules.

Account numbers and passwords. Put practical details in a separate note so the letter stays a letter. Our digital legacy checklist covers what to include.

It's also worth leaving out anything that would only make sense to you, long lists of people to thank (they'll overwhelm the reader), and apologies so heavy they shift your burden onto the person reading. A short, sincere "I'm sorry for the year I was hard to live with" lands better than a page of it.

Going further than one letter

Once the first letter is written, many people find they want to say more, to more people, in more ways.

• Values and lessons. An ethical will is a letter about what you believe and what you learned, usually written to the whole family rather than one person.
• Your voice and face. A legacy video or voice note carries the things paper can't: your laugh, the way you say their name.
• More than one person. Write a separate letter for each person who matters. Siblings compare. It's kinder if each has their own words.

Keeping it safe and making sure it arrives

A letter in a drawer can be lost in a move, thrown out with old papers, or simply never found. An email draft can sit unread inside an account nobody can open. Wherever you keep it, someone needs to know it exists, or it needs to be stored somewhere that will deliver it for you.

That's what we built Sealkept for. Your letters are encrypted at rest and stay sealed while you check in on a schedule you choose. If you stop checking in, there are reminders first, then optional trusted verifiers, then a gentle heads-up to the people you've chosen, then a grace period, and only after all that is anything delivered. You can read more about how it works and how we keep things private, or simply write your first letter.

Guides in this series