What is an ethical will? How to write one, with examples

A legal will passes on your belongings. An ethical will passes on what you learned, what you value, and what you hope for the people you love.

It's one of the oldest kinds of family letter, and one of the most underrated. This guide explains what an ethical will is, how it differs from a legal will, the themes people usually write about, real-sounding examples for each, and a simple template you can fill in over an evening or two. It's part of our series on goodbye letters, and works well alongside one.

An old idea, newly popular

Ethical wills, sometimes called legacy letters, go back centuries. They aren't legal documents. They're a letter to your family about the things that can't be inherited any other way: values, stories, lessons, apologies, blessings.

The tradition is often traced to Jewish practice, where parents left spoken or written instructions to their children about how to live. Today people of every background write them, often prompted by becoming a parent or grandparent, a milestone birthday, a diagnosis, or simply realising that the family stories live only in their head.

How it differs from a legal will

The two documents do completely different jobs, and it helps to keep them separate.

One practical rule: don't put anything in your ethical will that sounds like a decision about who gets what. "I'd love Sam to have Grandpa's watch" in a letter, when the legal will says otherwise, can cause real hurt. If something matters, put it in the legal will and talk to a professional. Nothing here is legal advice.

What people usually include

There's no fixed format. These themes come up again and again.

• Values you hope they carry forward
• Lessons you learned the hard way
• Family stories that shouldn't be lost
• Things you're grateful for
• Forgiveness, asked or given
• Hopes for each person by name

You don't need all six. Two or three, done honestly, make a better letter than six done dutifully.

Examples by theme

Plain language works best. Write the way you'd talk at the kitchen table. The excerpts below show what that sounds like for each theme. They are illustrations we've written, not quotes from real people, so borrow freely.

Values

Notice that it doesn't say "I value kindness". It shows the value through a choice the writer got wrong. That's what makes it stick.

A lesson learned the hard way

A family story

Family stories are the theme most often lost. If you're the last person who knows how your grandparents met, write it down even if you write nothing else.

Gratitude

Forgiveness

Keep apologies short and specific, and never make forgiveness a condition. "I forgive you, but..." is a sentence to leave out.

Hopes for each person

A simple template you can follow

If the blank page is the hard part, use this structure. Each section can be a single paragraph.

1. Why I'm writing this

   One or two sentences. "I'm writing this on my sixtieth birthday because I realised you've never heard half these stories."

2. What I believe matters

   Two or three values, each shown through a moment from your life rather than stated as a rule.

3. What I learned the hard way

   One mistake and what it taught you. This is often the part people remember most.

4. Stories I don't want lost

   A family story, a place, a recipe, the origin of a family joke.

5. Thank you, and I'm sorry

   Gratitude to named people. A short apology if one is owed.

6. My hopes for each of you

   A line or two per person, by name. End with love, in your own words.

When to share it

Some people share an ethical will while they're alive, at a big birthday or anniversary. Others prefer it to be read later. Sealkept can deliver it to several people at once, or a different version to each.

Sharing it while you're alive has a lovely side effect: it starts conversations. Your children may ask about the stories, and you'll end up telling them better versions than the ones you wrote. Keeping it for later means it can be completely candid. Some people do both, sharing a lighter version now and leaving a fuller one to be read afterwards.

Going beyond paper

An ethical will doesn't have to be written. Some people record it as a voice note or a short video, which carries tone and laughter that text can't. Our guide to recording a legacy video covers how to do that without feeling awkward. And if your main audience is one person, a letter to your partner or a letter to your child may be the better format, with the ethical will as a family-wide companion.

If you want it kept safe and delivered at the right time, Sealkept stores it encrypted at rest and releases it only by the rules you set. If you'd rather say it than write it, you can record a voice note or video in your browser, or upload one from your phone, and add it to the same message. Many people write their first ethical will after a baby arrives; our page for new parents shows how families use it. For the bigger picture, start with our guide to what to write in a goodbye letter.