How to write down your funeral wishes, with a simple template

To write down your funeral wishes, decide a handful of things: burial or cremation, what kind of service (if any), music and readings, who should be told, a rough budget and your choice on organ donation. Put it on one or two plain pages, and give a copy to whoever will arrange the funeral, now, not in your will.

That last part matters most. A will is often opened after the funeral has already been planned, so wishes tucked inside it can arrive too late. Below is what to decide, a checklist you can work through and print, and how to make sure your page is found in time.

Why write your funeral wishes down at all?

Because someone will have to make these decisions within days, in grief, often while wondering "what would they have wanted?" A funeral director will ask about burial or cremation, a venue, music, flowers and the budget, sometimes in the first meeting. Without guidance, families guess, and sometimes they disagree.

A short page changes that. It doesn't need to be elaborate. Even "cremation, something small, no hymns, play the song from our wedding" answers most of the hard questions. It is also a kindness to the person who will be making the phone calls: they get to say "this is what Dad asked for" instead of defending their own choices.

Funeral wishes are one part of getting your affairs in order. Our guide to digital estate planning covers the online side, and the two sit naturally together.

What should you decide?

Start with the decisions a funeral director will need first, then add the personal details. You don't have to answer everything. "I don't mind, do what helps you" is a perfectly good answer for any of these.

Burial, cremation or something else

This is the first question your family will be asked. Options usually include a traditional burial, cremation (with or without a service), a natural or woodland burial, or a direct cremation, where there is no service at the crematorium and the family can hold a memorial separately, if they want one. If you want your ashes scattered somewhere, say where, and whether anyone needs permission. Some people also choose to donate their body to medical science, which needs arranging in advance with a medical school.

The service

Religious, non-religious, or a mix? A formal funeral, a celebration of life, a gathering at the pub, or nothing at all? Where would you like it, and roughly how many people? If you have a celebrant, minister or faith leader in mind, write down their name.

Music and readings

Name songs, hymns or pieces for arriving, a reflective moment and leaving. Readings can be poems, scripture or passages from a favourite book. If you'd like a particular person to speak or read, ask them first. And if you'd like to write words of your own to be read aloud, our guide to writing something to be read at your funeral walks through it.

Who should be told

List the people who might be missed: old friends, former colleagues, a club or community you belong to. Add a phone number or email where you can. Your family will know your inner circle, but not always the friend from thirty years ago who would want to come.

Practical details

• Budget. A rough figure or "keep it simple" helps your family say no to upselling without guilt.
• Prepaid plans or savings. Where the paperwork is and the plan reference number.
• Flowers or donations. Flowers, or donations to a named charity instead.
• What people wear. Black, bright colours, a football shirt.
• Your own clothing. What you'd like to be dressed in, and any jewellery to keep or leave with you.
• Afterwards. Where people might gather, and whether there should be food.

Organ and tissue donation

Write down your decision, but also register it and tell your family, because they will usually be consulted at the time. In England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, adults are considered donors unless they've opted out or are in an excluded group, but families are still asked, and a known decision makes that conversation much easier. In the US, you register through your state's donor registry, often when you get or renew a driving licence. Elsewhere in Europe, systems differ by country, so check local rules.

Funeral wishes checklist

Work through this at your own pace. Your ticks are saved in this browser only, and you can print it to fill in by hand. For documents, accounts and everything beyond the funeral, our legacy checklist picks up where this one stops.

Why isn't the will the right place?

It's tempting to add funeral instructions to your will and consider the job done. The trouble is timing. In many places, a funeral takes place within a week or two of a death, and the will may not have been located, collected from a solicitor or read by then. Wills are often stored away from home, and the executor may not open it until after the funeral.

There is also the question of weight. In the UK and many other countries, funeral wishes, even in a will, usually aren't legally binding. Whoever is responsible for arranging the funeral normally has the final say. In practice, families almost always try to honour clear written wishes; they just need to see them in time.

So by all means mention your wishes in your will, or note "see my separate letter of funeral wishes". Your solicitor or attorney can advise. But keep the real detail on a separate page that the right people already have. If you have broader guidance for your executor, a letter of wishes is the natural place for it.

Prepaid funeral plans and pre-need arrangements

Paying in advance can lock in some costs and remove decisions from your family. It is worth understanding what you're buying, and the rules differ by country.

How do you make sure your wishes are found in time?

A page that nobody can find on the day is no help at all. A few simple steps make it reliable.

1. Keep it short and plain

   One or two pages, typed or handwritten. Put "My funeral wishes" and the date at the top, and sign it. Short pages get read.

2. Give copies to the people who will act

   Usually a partner, an adult child, a close friend or your executor. Two people is better than one, in case one is away or too upset to act.

3. Tell a few people where the original is

   Keep it somewhere at home that isn't locked away. A drawer with your important papers is fine, and our guide to telling your family where everything is has ideas.

4. Mention it in your will, if you like

   A line pointing to the separate letter means nothing gets lost if the will is read first.

5. Review it every few years

   Tastes change. Update the date when you do, and swap out the old copies.

How do you talk to your family about it?

You don't need a big, solemn conversation. Most people find it easier to keep it light and practical. Try something like: "I've written down what I'd like for my funeral, so you won't have to guess. It's in the blue folder. Have a read whenever you want."

Some family members will want to talk it through; others will change the subject. Both are normal. If someone strongly disagrees with a wish, it's worth hearing them out. A funeral is partly for the people left behind, and a little flexibility ("if Mum would rather have hymns, that's fine") can save a painful argument later.

If a conversation feels impossible, a short letter does the same job. You can say what you want, and why, without anyone having to respond in the moment.

Where Sealkept fits

Sealkept isn't a will, and it isn't the right home for funeral instructions on their own. Messages are released only after you stop checking in, then reminders, an optional verifier and a grace period you choose, so they may arrive after the funeral has been arranged. For practical wishes, a shared paper copy is faster and more reliable.

Where Sealkept helps is everything around it: the personal letters, voice notes and videos you want each person to receive, made now and kept sealed while you keep checking in. Some people add a note to their family repeating their funeral wishes and saying why they chose them, as a gentle second copy. Messages are encrypted at rest and each recipient gets a private link to only their own.

When you're ready, start with the page of wishes. It is one of the kindest things you can leave, and it takes less than an hour.