Letter of wishes: what it is, what to include, and an example

A letter of wishes is a private letter that sits alongside your will and tells the people carrying it out how you'd like things done. It usually isn't legally binding. It guides your executors, trustees and your children's guardians, explains your reasons, and covers the personal details a will can't sensibly hold.

It is a strong, familiar term in the UK. In the US, a similar document is often called a letter of instruction. Below is what to put in one, example wording you can adapt, and how it differs from an ethical will or a goodbye letter.

What is a letter of wishes, exactly?

Your will sets out the legal decisions: who inherits, who your executors are, who you appoint as guardian. A letter of wishes fills in the human detail around it. It's addressed to the people doing the work, and it says, in effect, "here's what I'd like, and here's why".

Because it's usually not legally binding, it has two advantages over the will. You can change it whenever you like without formal witnessing, and you can explain yourself in ordinary language. A will that leaves everything into a discretionary trust may look cold; a letter of wishes that says "I'd like my trustees to help each child with a first home and their education" gives that trust a purpose.

Who reads it, and why does it help?

A letter of wishes usually has one or more of these readers:

• Your executors. They gather and share out your estate. A letter can tell them who should get your watch, which friend to call first, and what to do with photos and papers. If you haven't chosen yet, our guide to choosing an executor explains what the job involves.
• Your trustees. If your will creates a trust, especially a discretionary one, trustees decide who gets what and when. Your letter tells them what you'd have wanted.
• Your children's guardians. If you've named a guardian in your will, a letter can describe how you hope your children will be raised: schooling, faith, staying in touch with grandparents, keeping siblings together. Our guide to choosing a guardian for your children covers this in depth.
• Pension scheme trustees. In the UK, many pensions use a separate "expression of wish" or nomination form. That's a different document; fill it in with the pension provider and keep it consistent with your letter.

The common thread is discretion. Wherever someone has a choice to make on your behalf, your letter helps them make it the way you would have.

What should you include in a letter of wishes?

There's no fixed format. Include what's relevant to you, and leave out what isn't.

Personal belongings

Wills often leave "personal chattels" or "household contents" to one person, or to be shared. Your letter can say who should have particular things: jewellery, a painting, tools, a record collection, a recipe book. Small items often carry the biggest emotions, and naming them heads off disagreements.

How you'd like a trust used

If there's a trust, explain its purpose. When should money be released? For what kinds of things? Are there people you'd like treated carefully, perhaps a beneficiary who struggles with money or who receives means-tested benefits?

Your children's upbringing

Values, schooling, faith, family relationships, and what you'd like their guardians to know about each child. Keep it to hopes rather than rules; guardians will be making daily decisions you can't foresee.

Reasons for decisions in your will

If you've left more to one person than another, or left someone out, a short, calm explanation can prevent hurt and, in some cases, help if the will is questioned. Keep it factual and kind. Your solicitor or attorney can advise on wording if you expect a dispute.

Digital accounts and practical details

What should happen to email, social media and photos; where your list of accounts is kept (not the passwords themselves); and who should be told. Our digital estate planning guide explains what executors can and can't access.

Funeral and other wishes

If you haven't written separate funeral wishes, you can include a short paragraph. But remember that the letter, like the will, may be read after the funeral, so give the people arranging it a copy of those wishes now.

Letter of wishes example wording

Here is a short example you can adapt. Keep yours in your own words; plain and specific beats formal.

How does it differ in the UK, US and Europe?

The idea is similar everywhere, but the name and the habits differ. These are general points; check local rules.

Letter of wishes vs ethical will vs goodbye letter

These three get mixed up, and many people end up writing all of them.

An ethical will is about who you are: the lessons, beliefs and stories you hope to pass down. A goodbye letter is about a relationship. A letter of wishes is the practical one; its job is to make other people's decisions easier. It's fine to add a warm line or two, but if you find yourself writing pages of love and memories, that probably belongs in a separate letter to that person.

Keeping it updated and safe

A letter of wishes is only useful if it is current and found.

• Date and sign every version. Write "this replaces all earlier letters" at the top, and destroy old copies.
• Review it at life events: births, deaths, marriages, separations, moving country, or a big change in money.
• Store it with your will, or ask your solicitor to store it with theirs. Keep a copy at home with your important papers.
• Tell your executor it exists. If they don't know to look for it, it may never be read.
• Don't put passwords in it. Say where your account list is kept, and keep the sensitive details separately and securely.

If you're gathering your documents anyway, our legacy checklist helps you list what you have and where it lives.

Where Sealkept fits

Sealkept isn't a will, and it can't make a letter of wishes legally effective. Your formal letter should sit with your will, where your executor expects to find it.

What Sealkept can do is carry the personal side: letters to each child, a note to your executor that says thank you and points them to the right folder, or a few words for the guardian who'll be raising your children. You write them now, they stay sealed while you check in, and each person receives a private link to only their messages if you stop. For something like account details, you can set a message to release only when a trusted verifier confirms. Everything is encrypted at rest, and you can update any message whenever your circumstances change.

Start with the letter of wishes itself. A page or two, in your own words, can save the people you trust a great deal of guesswork.